Aaaaaaallez Cuisine!!!!! ......

As some of the competidors are presented before the public I noticed the ones I have not noticed before: the mysterious skinny boy called Arry Totter entertains my eye till eyestrain. His whole cooking stand was propped up with a ... ... ... ... broomstick!
That is a magnificent trick.

As I watch, he is working frantically amidst his bubbling retorts and test tubes. He works against time. He works madly...

Now I heard him say his whole work was done!

HIS MIXTURE IS NOW READY!!!!

O no, wait, he just worked in a dry martini cocktail and downing it at one gulp he is now ready.

I heard wrong, my excuses.

Now he is turning to a huge vat he brought from a Tomwarts's school, that contains a lifetime of research (his story gets weirder each time).

His project: a boiling and bubbling recipe he'd been given by some old cajun witch woman in the vasts plains of Accadia. A mixture that had in its entrails crocodiles warts, chopped up zombie hearts, sticky bat eyes, live shrimps creole and stuttering parrot tongues. He has very good taste. NO man alive can create what he mean to on that vat.

As some time elapsed, the scent of many polecats drifted from the mixture.
Unfortunately, it got to our judges podium atacking our valonian pure air.

(Feh!)

In a flash, the lifetime research was spilled out onto the floor by his whining creator. It laid there combined with our valonian mud.

It created soon such a festering mish-mash:
(snap,crackle,pop,koo-koo,kii-kee,caw-caw,tttoo hooot,ttttttoo hooot,whymeee, whymmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!...) These were the strange cries shattering the sleeping calm of our beloved old Tri-Sacred King Tournament.

Beyond the sounds, a whizzing cry I distinguished called out the secret ingredient:

The secret ingredient is... Giant Ostrich Eggs! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallez Cuisine!

Arry Totter eyed many others with disdain. He was not prepared,his mixture he lost. The other contestants watched perplexed the table with giant eggs and heavy mannerisms coming from the referee.
(There is reason to send him to jail).

Poor Arry Totter has to begin anew like everyone else. He must have felt awful.

The Iron-knight Cuisine Competition

The square is prepared with all the counters and the coal bags needed for the cooking event that will mark a precedent.
Sir Invisible has a big barbecue and frankfurter stand similar to all the knights competing (aparently only I see him at it). The challengers own their stand but will cook only for own satisfaction. The commentator announced the honoured judges: Lady Mina, Miss Muñeca, the most difficult to please judge in a food contest and me the Queen.

There is Sir Dolorous Stroke collecting all his live-beetles for his famous chocolate-fudge covered bugs; Sir Gaunt emptying a bag of delicious powdered resin, perfect for exquisite gummi-hybernated polar bear (it is very good to keep you thin and svelte.) Sir Bagdemagus always had big resources for this type of event, he managed to bring a stack car with many marinates, several preserves, and assorted mustards. Sir Abellious brought the best sheep he had at his animal farm and we think he'll make a lamb stew (we do not know yet!). Sir Cinder was discualified from the game as seen he could not help the stale smell of his english meat. Sir Turkine wanted to have the best counter of our square, but to my best recollection he did not paid the price needed for such luxury; he will stay in the back as many of all those peasants in that one near island we all know. Sir Brewnor without Pity bought with him many types of internationally renowned plants called somewhat Agave. We hadn't seen this plant before.

Between all his paraphernalia he also had a closed tight bowl with little husky worms, some lemons and a stack of salt. Sir Damas chose to bring lady fingers and made the day of the commentator who exploded in many praises for his fine taste.

As the battle in the Iron knight cuisine begins, the secret ingredient will be announced. The other knights were difficult to see mainly because I had tasted some of the mustards Bagdemagus brought. It made my mouth sour and my eyes temporarily blind.

Divination of the riddle.

The laws of the game permited the referee commit truly to the game. Many applauded his eloquence and determination:

¯¯As raging rocks,

and shivering shocks,
shall break the locks:
it has no name,
no word,of prison gays
will shine more from far,
and make and mar
the fatal foolish fates ¯

This riddle was thus.

Sir Brewnor without Pity opened the mouth to speak as he may well try to unfold heaven and earth with his tongue in an effort to say coherent sounds, but they came out cross. He had his usual kind of brew for breakfast that morning...

Lots of sighs later there the group lay, our patience extinguished for seven leagues. The referee raised his arm to smack a head with an iron bat. As he was laying down his arm to hit with violence the head of the first knight within his grasp a muffled sound became evident out of Sir Brew. The bat stopped in midair. Here is the transcript of what happened next:

Referee: What was that, knight? A mumble instead of thy word?

Sir Brew: O, by faith, let me not offend thou but I thought of answering the riddle with another rime. All in one. Here it goes...

Referee: Thou may not play it in a mask but speak as small as it is allowed thou shall.

Sir Brew: Aye, aye I may well speak in a monstruous little voice, agreed.

Referee: Well, all of thee proceed.

Sir Fagdanfiend: hmmm, I did not fancy the part of the prison gays though...

Sir Gauntidan:A shivering shock... that is a....

Sir Damas: The three maidens or three fates?

Sir Abellious: No, it has to be something with no name at all;

Sir Turquine: Are we talking a real word here?

Sir Prickdan le Noir: Death!!!

Sir Blablaberis: What thou doth thou mean, death?

Sir Prickdan le Noir; Death death death death death death!

Sir Berihideous: Where? (contoursening very fast)

Sir Dolorous Stroke: On your guard,then !!!

Sir Blablaberis: I think he means the word death. (Talking to Dolorous Stoke) The answer is not death although if thou spot the death coming by faith let me know.

Sir Without Pity: (at top of the lungs) HELP! HELP!

Referee: This game is over! Winner!

Comentator: Oh, very well, Bravo, Bravo, Sir Brew without Pity; thou have won now for thou guessed the word we were looking for was HELP!... until the next time! See you folks at home...!

Loud applause from the audience who with enthusiasm cheered when that word was screamed by knight Sir Brewnor. He gave a bewildered little smile after he turned to see the referee to confirm the news. He sighed with relief.

**********

Event II: The Iron-Knight Cuisine Competition:

Contestants have to cook a folk meal from respective areas of expertise to convince the judges. The points are given by taste, appearance and texture. There will be a secret ingredient announced about the time to start. The judges will select the one with more points.\

Prior to begin all hands must to be properly cleaned and no excrement or body fluids allowed.

A travesty of a contestant in our midst.

With the hope that springs anew, many longed to see a bare chest, manliness courage, unsurpassing physical strength, muscles galore, competing including me. But it looked extremely boring for the 1st event today; the score remained 0-0-0 after 307 hours or so. There were no surprises, no manliness courage, no blood. Yes, the Tri-sacred King has begun with multiple features. When our messenger died and the perpetrator of the murder was sentenced to serve as commentator, we thought to add one more spot for the first interested knight being willing to the challenge.

Suddenly, a skinny looking boy stepped from the crowd. He had a glass eye and weakly voice, dark uncombed hair that resisted any effort to keep straight. He claimed he wanted to compete to win the hand of Penislope and that he was called mysteriously Arry Totter (I think he thought Penis. was a man). Well, only I got hold of the new contestant in wonderment. I forgave the attraction for Penis. He will compete and allright. The new kid seems to be the gay-blood boy but probably is just my imagination. We did not find him, he came to us.

Our messenger is dead, the murderer was convicted and now we have a new host of the show.
Our 5 players and the challengers are supposed to go in a circle. There I see the contestant Sir Invisible for he doth makes a tini reflection of light;contestant Sir Dolorous Stroke;contestant Sir Bla-blaberis; and contestant Dana Lan and anonimous participant nicknamed only Arry Totter.

The challengers prior mission is to deliver hell to the game thus enhancing the difficulty: Sir Abellious,Sir Damas,Sir Cinder: which is incidentally also called the Foul Knight; Sir Bagdemagus (he was always interested in me...), Sir Rhosisontheliver also called the Sick knight, Sir Turquine (or just Blue), Sir Gaunt a.k.a "the captive", Sir Brewnor-Without Pity, SirBerihideous, Sir Prickdan le Noir, Sir Fagdanfiend who also at first refused to fight when he spotted Sir Dolorous Stroke.


Event I: Divination

One player chosen at random has to guess first a word set by the riddle of a
referee. The referee has not the word still (he is working on it )so many of these knights are in a difficult game to play. If someone guesses this riddle the player will have the power to choose the way in which the referee will get tormented. If on the other hand he cannot guess the player will have to receive a smack about the head with a mortal iron bat. Many people loved that game in my kingdom and that's why words are so important for the valonish people.

We must do it together

Last ad hoc justice council deliberations were extremely successful; as indeed was the subsequent actions taken by our courts held in our main palace and at home.
The accused was penalized. The following list will enumerate all his sentences:*public service as co-host at the games of at least 50 hours (non pro-bono),* 5 deserts -a-day including Fortecue's raspberry and chocolate ice creams, catalan creams, parfaits, crepes and creme-brulés, * One "good-cheering" a day by our local pro,*Solemn oath of renounce with confidentiality agreement on the basis of any gay-blood conduct from henceforth,*On- call volunteer for a very intimate personal service. ejem. (The accused was cute and wanted to begin anew).

The satellite transmission of the ceremony is bringing it to many in my kingdom and beyond. Indeed, it is on the people's behalf that we are engaged into this kind of magic and can be viewed in every household through a magical device called a tv. There will be great screens as well for the live witnesses at the game fields.

I feel sanguine, and want most of all the light divertimento of a well set dark-fair tournament that appeals to my inner yearnings. We have now all the ingredients for successful games. Me, as this wise and experienced guidance, the presence of some other political and military leaders of the neighboring islands, the logistics studies necessary to good public flow, the concrete resolutions that gay-bloods must go or get extinct, and not the least, a general awareness that time is not on the side of the lazy.