The Tri-Sacred King Tournament

My neck produced another sign, like a tatoo that burned on the skin. It said: " The Tri-Sacred King Tournament will be exhibiting in a theater nearest you."...... I am vexed by it! What purpose would serve this message? Giving me instructions of what I should have begun preparing but haven't this summer? On the other hand, this tournament is going to atract people. I need people to make the war on the gay-blood boy. I better start preparing events, getting the amenities, the gravediggers, the decorations, the ju-jus and the gyros the music.

Each summer when the sun begins our full light solstice we look for the sacred specimen that shalt enchant us with his superb physical strength, cunning and skillful use of the bow. That breeding animal shalt inherit a prize most guarded, most perfect, most centered and most highly valued: Me.

This sacred king will prolong his family lineage by the proper recognition of his abilities, the quiz of his strengths in the wielding of swords and upon me. His role will be recognized in procreation as a co-contributor for one whole year alone. His primary moral obligations and duties will he fulfill at the end of the year and this shalt be revealed to him in due course.

--"Now try ye all my barons, but beware ye be not stained with shame, treachery nor guile and ye may not be shorter than 3 inches at the time of competing, for I may want a tall and long lasted king "...

We'll choose three main barons for the events on this tournament. They will have to risk their reputation by making difficult choices and by attempting tasks where they'll fear failure. First, against a Nemean lion, then the Cretan bull, the Erymanthian boar, and last against the Artemis deer. ( The leviathan from Phoenicia and the Behemoth from Israel were already too expensive to bring here.)

I am considering adding also fake prizes to our competitors: one possibility is to offer the hand in marriage of Penislope, our masculined- torso- maiden. She deceives the most astute of knights, talking gravely, and acting rough. If the barons accept avidly the marriage with this maiden thinking she is a hermaphrodite, they will get a sour surprise. In a second, the act will be raised and the maiden shalt uncover her privates and they will get discualified from the tournament. (Penislope is really a veteran award winning actress who was sentensed to pose as a male by our justice council on the charge for public indecency.) Onto it we will discover the real orientation of my barons.

A dole in a tragical mirth.

Me and my company were in the town of Devon where I started my day with the right foot taking another bath. I live for these natural mineral salt baths.
How many men hath I lost in gayness wars.-I thought but contented on soon the head or the mid-lower appendage to cut from he who stoleth my beautiful boys for him alone. Sometime I shalt account that for your amusement. .... ...I am no. ... I am... I ....sorry, I suddenly developed a teary moment.

We seth forth to explore the city of Devon and its surroundings. How many obtuse goldsmiths, dirty beggars, mean lawyers, filthy agents, naked male whores, gold-chain money laundries and lute-makers are concentrated in one city and in one large plain alone! I know this city by now. Take hades in the dark medieval era and you will produce the Devon city.

I had seen a tavern keeper there also. He had his pub called "Pato, anyone?"* without any clients but he made us welcome that morning.
"Is that a goddamn bow?" I asked him in a mood seeing he just lowered his mid torso a little and seemed he had something of an afeminate manner and something of a female bosom as well. He assented to my question..

"Well, that is an english bow, cearc*". After he prayed us to come to his pavilion, he hath set before us mulled wines, berries, spices, and bread.

I do not know where all this food came from. As I tasted the wild berries and the bread, I marveled a thought in my mind: I hath rat this morning.... I have been eating too many courses. If I do not get a diet I will get a little chubby.

"Leave-me hitherr!" I ordered after drinking a glass of that good and wonderful mulled wine. Forthwith came out a foul smoke from the bottle in the form of a white monk and suddenly disappeared the form into nothingness. I began to think the wine had some effect on me or had been altered by magic but then appeared the monk again saying : "Queen Morgana Anakina: thou art unworthy..., go thou hence and withdraw thee from this holy place"....

Now I thought I had enough to drink. I looked around and saw the same fat, short and hairy tavern keeper with a dirty mop on his hands. My knights were busy eating and drinking. No one else was talking to me. The monk appeared and said again: "I shalt counsel ye, countrymen: never more enter into the presence of Avalon's queen and enchantress when ye can avoid it"
--"Why?" asked the curious tavern keeper.
--"Because this queen has a mark in her neck. A polyp that resembles the number of a dark and vengeful goddess called Morrigan*, the number 6 .
---"By the mystery of Sucellus*, I ....don't know sir. ....It. may be instead a hickie... " Replied the tavern keeper who was not supersticious.

Some of my knights who entered were staring too at my protruding mass moving the head side to side and others lowered themselves for ways to see if it was a cheap hickie. Awwww...!..


The damned monk changing the tone added:
"She has also a message on it too, I'll show ye. If you look her polyp closely on black candle-light and move the candle in circles around her polyp 3 times, like so, you shalt see a motto tatooed around it in sceptre that says: "Evil eye for he who thinks evil".

This time it was I who looked at him in awe. What?! As I tried to watch it closely, (the bending of the neck was sorely unconfortable) I was sure my mark seemed to condemn myself. Was the polyp really a bad hickie made by a bad and sinister lover who I don't remember? If it was, why did he feel the urge to write something in my neck? Can someone trade me an heterosexual man for an unwanted tatoo?

So quick bright things come to a confusion. I rolled my eyes to reflect on the motto which became tatooed in my skin. As I tried to watch it closely, (the bending of the neck was beginning to cramp my muscles) I took justice in my own hands.

In horrible pounding waves, heat sucked from my magic veins that polyp was blowed. It slit in two, and the spreaded sorrow of the life of the polyp ended dissolved in its fierce blood presenting its shining cargo.

I came to a conclusion. May the jaws of darkness devour the white coward damned monk and horrid tavern keeper before war, death, sickness or pestilence lay siege to this entire city.
I departed.

*This means: "chick"
*This means "Duck, anyone?" and alludes to the question: "Are you gay?"

Great mischief causeth the birth of Beatrix.

The rash around my neck hast converted into a polyp and I am in a dark-blue-cobalt mood. What shall aid me? For if I must die , and fall in the earth with deep swoon, at least my company of men shall mournest my departure. Am I not the earthiest and fairest of women? Thus, what sin hast I commited to deserve seeing visions of the gay-blood boy everywhere? And, by my truth I am not able to withstand the hate of seeing the boy, therefore I pry the high Janus and Cybeles in heavens to have mercy on my soul.
I receiveth confirmation from God Janos that life is a cycle and that because he is connected with beginnings and endings my life will get a whirl. From Godess Cybeles I learned ... well, never to cavilate naked in the houses of others because my time will get kinky.
When I am dead, dress me in my fairest clothes and lay me in a barge all covered with black pearls and steer it down the river till it reach the court.
Oh. ¡Bad Heavens!!! This polyp seemst to be a little third head. Hence the name my mother Lady Victoria chose on me. Who would have thought it! Beatrix art the name of my third head!

In hoc signes vinces,

Everywhere we went we found solitude and stillness. Nobody hast read nor heard nothing new about the gay-blood boy and/or the grail and begineth I to suspect foul play.
My company and I hast been wondering the forest, the rivers, the parks, the fords, the banks where we would have rested had it not been by a multitude of well armed knights come forth and asked us by strange and vigorous hand signs if we were free tonight. Within awhile we heard a great horn blow and saw the gestures of these knights who were sorely understood by one of my experts, Sir Harpocratus¹, our deaf-mute.
As he translated it for us; there is going to be a ball near the Mount Olympus² where all the heroes will be invited and no mortals shalt be allowed but by decree we were to go to Castle Pluere³ and be invited too as so most of my chosen loyal knights."
I thought perhaps my aunt Lady Marhaus passed my name round all the heroes and gods and with her influence got me the invitation. I begineth my routine by getting a rubbed-mineral-salt bath in the banks of the Avon river.
Then I chose the most loyal knights as company: Sir Hideous, Sir Perilous , Sir Itsambiguous, and Sir Harpocratus to go with me on my best deeds of arms and pomp to this court ball. As I entered the gates, the sounds of trumpets and lire filled the place in so remarkable vibration thus tilteth my head unconsciously from side to side as making chorus. I noticed my company of knights beating too their metal fingers against their swords as if marking the tempo.
--"¡Ah lords! Ye are fully welcome ! Now know I well ye be the knights that shall achieve the Sangreal and the head of the gay-blood boy for unto them alone many mysteries are revealed."" Sayeth a screaming heroe of the castle in white garments standeth not far.
--- I am Queen M0rgana Anak....! I was interrupted by the loudest music so far since my days of a dancer.
Later on, resolveth I to enjoy the party noticing that many knights of this court were dancing in a state of looseness. I did the gymnopaidia but then inhaled some mal-aria and before I knew it I danced the calypso to the sound of hard drums and lutes with an improvised limbo stick belonging to the guards of the gates. Sir Itsambiguous danced the cordax with Sir Perilous and after awhile, they disappeared from the hall. The limping and dwarfed Sir Hideous sang an odalisk ode to the sound of harps on the glory and brave deeds of Sir Harpocratus. Time raceth and I contemplateth the inspired knights recalling the wonderful moments we have had in our ever endangereth search. Oh-Oh.
Something was not seth right. Sir Itsambiguous was missing for too long an hour joint with Sir Perilous. I asked Sir Harpocratus at the sight of his extremely opened eyes. "'What saw thee noble knight?"".
He told me by vigorous hand sign, said he: """I saw nothing beneath that wall, onto a painting of that prairie, right to the direction of the latrines left in the direction to the vibration of moaning."" I followed suit with great effort and wondereth what could have scared him to his wits but first I seizeth Sir Hideous from his horrendous-off-tone ode to accompany me and limping we both went. What I found was the foulest and shamefulest custom man hath ever perceived. I cried.
Sir Itsambiguous and Sir Perilous hath been discovereth in "flagrante delicto" doing a variation of the cordax dance in which the joineth lower appendages movest in rhythmic coordination against each other. The knights were asked by the heroes of the castle whence that new custom came. At the sound of a bewildered moan, the heroes of the Castle Pluere exclaimeth:
---Fair lords rather be advised and yield ye to our custom for whatever gay passeth here must give a dishful of his blood from his right arm!!!"""(meaning not the right arm of course).
"For so a knight is little worth who desirest not to have a damsel. "
---"Whatsoever sayest ye I take no heed, save only that at this time when that scorn angerest me it makes me stronger in battle". Sayeth Sir Perilous. Chaos followeth.
And so, I made wimpy hand signs to Sir Harpocratus to follow me or die with intent, (you know, if he doth get it not that is his problem) and proceedeth I to leave the room as swiftly as I could. The rest of my knights held field against that multitude till it was nigh. So we parted from the castle. I never heard of them again. Poor Sir Hidious doth not madeth it out the Castle Pluere because of his hurt leg.

In my dreams at nigh I hath a vision of them dancing the original version of the cordax into the sounds of harps and flutes. It madeth me sick in the stomach.
New address to my knights: Abide the law by the faith of our bodies as we are truest and heterosexual knights; accept the custom of the castle when ye know it better. This shalt I hand-sign to all my knights and subjects to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

Little Bø dies of Gølden Fleas Sparkling ...

We have to get a few things straight between us. I like animals I always have but what happened to me today was a sign: the moment of glory is not far away into oblivion. I was mounted on horse back with feelings advancedto all might desire, I went onto a morrow, and disengageth myself from the horse to discharge a very heavy packet my horse carried.( I had been searching the grail with my little company for a long two days and continued to recruit more knights and damnsels. This packet seemed very strange, for I doth not
remember any gift from the palace. This packet containeth a red mantle with precious stones that came along with a message : "The great sorceress Kila and a gay-blood boy sendeth thee this mantle and prayeth thee to take their gift , and in whatsoever thing she hath offendeth thee, she will amend it at thy pleasure".....

I replieth not although the mantle pleased me much. Although the thought of them joint in an attempt against my life preocupateth me. With that came another knight that told me : "Put not on this mantle till thou hast seen more..." " In no wise let it put upon thee nor on thine knights, but till thou have made the bringer of it first on Him".
My thoughts resideth then with Sir Tom the tester : my best whole-knight sleep. But Sir Tom betrayeth my kingdom and also my dignity. He enjoyeth an unique status within my kingdom to which sometime I "ll speak in weepy detail.Y

Sir Daniel steppeth in and sayeth he: I would see that this mantle bringeth thee no harm but shalt test his mysteries on me first". Sir Daniel wore the fur mantle to test.
After awhile he screameth with violence. ¡My head!!!
To which sayeth I : "---Thus, thou shalt wear it 'ere it go, brutus, on the person's back." He rearrangeth the mantle.

Later on screameth he again:
---My back!!! Among a cloud of black little dots dancing I noted a very peculiar little being sucking the blood of Sir Daniel in a very restless way. It was a flea. ¡There were millions of them jumping back and forth! I retrieved Sir Daniel and the flea- infested mantle and gave the command: "Tan y'n cunys lemmyn gor uskys"* and placeth them both on a little portable pyre, I did.

And forthwith the garment was put into flame and burned with it Sir Daniel too...
Later on this flaming pyre was pushed out to sea in a barge where it shone brightly before sinking into darkness. We had beautiful starlights spectacle of golden fleas sparkling on the way to sleep, me thinking in Sir Tom.

* This phrase means in celtic : Now set the pyre at once on fire.
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